Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
