She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
