My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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