First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Randomize
