I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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