I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
