I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
