all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found the puke drawer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
