we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
