you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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