I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
