Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
