she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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