So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
