No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
