And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
