I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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