You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
