Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My bed smells like the plague
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
