I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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