My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
