So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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