we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
