fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
there is glitter all over my balls
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
