Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
