Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
