Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
