too bad you live with your parents still
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Come share oat with me in your robe
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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