Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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