You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
