She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
