overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
