Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
