I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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