I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
