Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
