Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
