its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
