i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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