sarcasm needs its own font
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
