how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
sarcasm needs its own font
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
