Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
