I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
