cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
