The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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