So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
