"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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