note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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