she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
