I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
