drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
