he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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