he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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