She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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