I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
