I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
