When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
