the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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