VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
