Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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