i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
